The Way of the Heart
A journey back from building a heart-centered company while my heart was breaking
This is a story about coming back to your truth — when it’s been buried under good intentions, fear, and silence. It’s about the invisible fractures we carry when we look like we have it all together. And the courage it takes to come home to the heart.
For many years now, I’ve lived out of alignment with my heart. To me, alignment and integrity are everything. Knowing and living our own truth is what we are here for — it is our only true path. I define integrity as coherence between our thoughts, words, and actions with the most authentic desires of our soul’s calling.
For the past seven years, with 1heart, I’ve spoken to and taught many about the importance of alignment and living in integrity. I’ve held true in most aspects of my life, especially those related to my work and mission with 1heart, as well as being a father. However, in one massive area of my life, I have not. Even though this is a very personal part of my life, I now understand how much it has affected and limited the work I am here to do with 1heart. And how it has limited the man I am here to be. For this, I am truly sorry.
I could have done so much more for the 1heart mission and community during this time. I could have stood more authentically, with greater strength and leadership, had I lived fully in my alignment. I now see this was my path — I am already witnessing the lessons and blessings I was meant to learn and experience. I get to bring these forth in my work and being.
The Disconnection
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” — Rumi
My heart has always yearned for a profound love and partnership. Since childhood, I have been seeking and searching for this love. I’ve known it deep within, and yet until very recently, I didn’t truly allow myself to believe I deserved it. I’ve lived much of my life as a people pleaser, aiming to serve others as I felt I had already been given too much and didn’t deserve more. It is clear now how living this way has not served me and how it has limited how I could truly serve others. In trying to be selfless, I have not filled my own cup, which ultimately didn’t serve anyone.
I am currently in the process of a divorce from a relationship that began just prior to the first 1heart Journey. The relationship has been strained since the beginning of our marriage; however, the eternal optimist in me felt for a long time that we would pull through. I always thought I could do more, be more, and make things work. I overlooked so much of what my heart, soul and guides were speaking — and later screaming — at me. I allowed my own stubbornness and desire to be right to supersede what I knew deep down was wrong.
Very early in our marriage, we entered a long and challenging fertility process that ultimately brought us our baby girl, Spirit. I’ve dreamt of being a dad for as long as I can remember, and Spirit stole my heart from the moment I first held her. Each morning, I’d wake around sunrise with her, spending hours together on outdoor daddy-daughter adventures. In the late afternoon, I’d rush up from the casita below our home where I worked, end my day early, and be excited to spend the evening with her. Her presence has filled my heart with a deep, authentic, and unconditional love that has guided me for the past two and a half years.
My North Star in all I do now is the world I want my daughter Spirit to live in. It drives everything I’ve created with 1heart as I want her to know a more conscious and loving world. It inspires the community, connection and life I want her to experience in Costa Rica. It drives the man I wish to be. I want her to see and experience the depth of love and partnership I dream of her experiencing. I want her to see her parents living happily, freely, and connected to their hearts, so she can learn how to do that for herself. Her smile and laugh are all the motivation I need, no matter what I’m going through.
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” — Joseph Campbell
The irony cuts deep: my biggest fear for as long as I can remember was to be a divorced dad. The thought of having to leave my child, the potential look of disappointment on her face, not being there for all the moments of her life brought tears to my eyes on many occasions, even before I had a child. As a child, I would feel the disappointment of observing friends whose parents weren’t always present, the way mine were for me. I didn’t feel worthy of what I had, and ultimately created a deep fear that I have now manifested. I’ve never cried so much as in the moments I’ve had to imagine a life where I can’t always be there for Spirit. I’ve had to imagine a life where we often have to say goodbye, and a life where I am not there each morning to hear her scream “Daddy” after she awakens, excited for our morning adventures.
The Cost of Silence
“What we resist persists, what we accept transforms.” — Carl Jung
One of the first big clues that I was deeply out of alignment was that I essentially stopped writing. Prior to my marriage, I was writing personal articles openly sharing what I was learning and experiencing. This created a great connection for me in the world. It was my first article, “Lost on Purpose,” that gave birth to 1heart. I was inspired by the massive response I received from that article, where I shared my personal journey on my 40th birthday.
Everything in our lives is here to teach us, and I’ve always felt compelled to share my learnings in ways that might support others navigating similar challenges. Given the personal nature of our relationship, especially since we both work in similar communities, I instead chose to remain silent. I now understand how much this has limited my ability to form a deeper level of connection with others.
We espouse deep vulnerability and openness on our 1heart Journeys, yet I have often felt myself holding back to maintain privacy and not rock the boat further at home. It’s been a difficult dance, especially for someone who values truth and integrity above all else. Throughout the past seven years, I haven’t been able to really share what was alive for me, what was on my heart, and ultimately who I was in each moment.
I am still feeling into how to navigate the delicateness of these situations with the importance of being fully open and connected. Writing this post is a significant step forward for me, as I have long felt a desire to share an apology with our 1heart community for all the ways I haven’t been able to show up in full transparency. In many moments, I wished I could go deeper and remove all the walls that create separation. I so often admire our 1heart guests for the way they share their souls on each Journey. I, too, have dreamt of being able to do the same.
The Language of the Heart
The other major sign has been a deep ache in my heart that I’ve woken up with for the majority of mornings for years. Often I found myself with my hands over my heart, innately protecting it from greater harm. The ache, however, was a consistent call that my heart desired to open and be felt in greater ways but felt unsafe to do so.
While the aches still remain and have at times recently intensified given all that I have been dealing with, I’ve learned a different way of communicating with my heart. While my initial reaction had been to resist and try to move from these uncomfortable feelings, the opposite holds the key. As I’ve begun to question my heart and ask what it was trying to tell me, things began to open.
Each time I ask, there is a response. Sometimes it is fear, sometimes sadness and sometimes loneliness. No matter its response, I follow with deeper questions as to where that fear or sadness or loneliness is coming from. There is always a reply and just by identifying the source and opening a dialogue with it, things begin to clear and some relief is felt.
The heart actually has a brain-like intelligence of its own. Within the heart are tens of thousands of neurons, neurotransmitters, and support cells similar to those in the brain, enabling it to process information, learn, remember, and even sense its environment independently. This network helps our heart sense things and make decisions all on its own. Our heart’s electromagnetic field is actually the strongest in our body — about 60 times greater in amplitude than our brain. Our heart doesn’t just keep us alive; it’s continuously chatting with our brain through nerves, hormones, and even energy waves. So, when we “feel” something in our heart, our heart really is talking to us.
The Lessons That Emerged
There have been many deep themes that have emerged for me, especially recently. I felt called to share these to help reopen this critical channel, hoping that my pain can be transmuted into lessons that provide guidance, comfort, and connection for others on their journeys.
1. Authentic Leadership
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” — Brené Brown
As a leader, whether in business, a community, or at home, what is our responsibility to be vulnerable and transparent? I’ve felt a great responsibility to hold a strong front, especially in an organization that leads others in elevating their lives. As the founder and “Chief Elevation Officer” of 1heart, I should have it all together? I should be a shining case study? Here is where I remind myself of my own guideline of not using “shoulds.”
This lack of authenticity made it more difficult for me to fully connect with people on our Journeys. While I aimed to find ways to open up, it has been challenging to truly share my heart. This tension is why leaders often feel isolated and struggle to form meaningful connections with their employees, customers, and constituents. Our greatest leadership comes not from having it all figured out, but from our willingness to be human in front of others.
Reader Prompt: What might become possible if I let myself be truly seen — flaws, feelings and all?
2. Personal vs. Professional Mission
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” — Carl Jung
Another theme that has been quite prevalent over the past few years is the coexistence of my personal life with my broader mission in the world. Working through strong misalignment at home while also caring for a young child would often leave me with little in the tank. Each day, I was reminded of the large mission of 1heart. I’d witness lives being deeply transformed right in front of me, and see the impact we are making. Some days I was paralyzed with fear and grief and could put little towards the mission I care so deeply about.
The transformations and growth of our alumni always motivated me to continue, even when I felt I had nothing left to give. There were many moments when I questioned why I wasn’t feeling the same excitement for my life as many of our alumni. What I’ve had to repeatedly come back to is the importance of putting myself first and being an example. I can’t ask others to thrive through extreme adversity without taking that on myself. My personal mission is the mission. On each Journey, we speak as a team to ensure no one is left behind, yet for years, I’ve left myself behind.
Reader Prompt: Where am I using my mission to avoid tending to my own heart?
3. Big Missions Will Be Tested
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” — Martin Luther King Jr.
What has been made clear to me, especially over the past year, is that big missions will always be tested. Prior to starting 1heart, I had it easier than most. I have loving parents who were always there for me. I had achieved success in business. My prior relationships had very little friction. I maintained friendships with my exes. I literally had no one I held a grudge with, no one I needed to forgive or who to my knowledge needed to forgive me, and no one who had betrayed me or whom I had betrayed.
Through the past seven years, which have coincided with 1heart, I’ve had all of this tested. I’ve had to learn to forgive after betrayal, choose love over resentment, and continue to be all the aspects of myself that allowed me to start and lead 1heart under far more challenging circumstances. It is easy to be good and live in integrity when you aren’t deeply challenged. To do so through extreme challenges is how we are tested and level up.
If you are pursuing a big mission, especially a spiritual one, you can bet that you will be tested too. The beauty is that through this work, we acquire the tools and wisdom that enable us to navigate challenges we couldn’t have imagined facing just years earlier.
Reader Prompt: What am I being called forward to share through the pain and challenges I am experiencing?
4. Self-Worth and Deservingness
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” — Buddha
A theme that has been continually repeated on our Journeys is that many high-performing leaders struggle with self-worth. We often create and build to fill holes and in an attempt to feel worthy. Despite our accolades, they are rarely enough to fill that hole and usually work against us. If you don’t feel deserving of what you already have and you continue to receive even more, you will feel worse, not better, about yourself.
In my case, I never understood or came to terms with the blessings I had already received. I often asked, “Why me?” rather than allowing myself to receive the abundance that is there for all. As an empath, I felt others’ lack and pain, and attempted to improve my self-worth by trying to save others. Serving in this way often left me feeling separate from partners, friends and the community I had started. Throughout my life, fitting in has always felt like a challenge. I tried to compensate for my loneliness by creating my own companies and organizations. While all of this indeed led me to start 1heart, I now know operating in this way is not sustainable.
Recently, I was with my daughter and had been taking care of her all day. We were lying together reading a book and she turned to me and said, “You are a really good daddy.” Her words cracked open something I didn’t realize was so deeply guarded. In that instant, I broke down, tears flowing freely, not from weakness but from the immense relief of being seen and loved. I hadn’t realized how much I needed her reassurance in that moment. And, I also knew that it should never be on her to provide me with any reassurance I need.
The recent pain in my life has been here to wake me to a new operating system that I will now lead from. The love we have to give is far greater when we fill our own cup first. Only we can choose to accept ourselves, to accept that what we offer is enough and to accept that we too are human.
Reader Prompt: Where in my life am I receiving less than I give because I don’t fully feel I deserve it?
5. Trust in Self and the Universe
“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” — Paulo Coelho
Another powerful result of all this has been to strengthen my trust in myself and the Universe. A first response to experiencing many aspects of my life and dreams as they appear to crumble might be to trust less. A saving grace has been that all my experiences continue to bring me back to greater trust in myself and the Universe.
As I look back, I can see so clearly all that I knew. I can see how so much of the pain in my life arose from the places where I didn’t trust myself, where I didn’t follow my intuition, where I ignored bold signs from the Universe. The pain emerged when I didn’t stand in my power, when I failed to use my voice, and when I allowed others to treat me in ways I would never accept for anyone else I love.
I’ve continued to see and understand that everything I’ve experienced is here for me. While my life right now doesn’t look at all like I might have envisioned, I know the Universe has something greater in mind — something I couldn’t possibly have understood in the consciousness I was in. A couple of years ago, I had ‘TRUST’ tattooed on my arm in negative space, because we don’t see trust. To trust, we must believe in something we can’t yet see or know.
Reader Prompt: How do I feel when I am in full trust? How do I feel when I am not in trust?
6. Living in Truth Requires Strong Boundaries
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” — Brené Brown
One of the two main books we ask people to read before their 1heart Journeys is Martha Beck’s “The Way of Integrity.” I’ve long admired her experiment of telling only the truth for a year, which includes not using silence to evade the truth. That is true freedom and something I would love to experiment with as a leader.
The challenge is that as we learn to speak our truth, we create more confrontations. We fear that in these confrontations, we will lose someone or something we believe we cannot lose. And, the truth is, we cannot lose something that is truly here for us. In these situations, we must learn to hold strong boundaries, something I failed to do for much of my life. Now, it has become abundantly clear that our missions, our relationships, and our peace depend on our ability to live our truth and hold our boundaries. I’ve had the opportunity to experiment with this recently. I have found that nothing is more effective in creating an aligned life than adhering firmly to these two principles.
Reader Prompt: What truth have I avoided protecting that if protected would set me free?
The Return
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” — Rumi
So why am I sharing all of this now? For one, the pain over these past years, and particularly this past year, has been immense. In so many moments, it has nearly swallowed me whole. I’ve had to dive into the deepest parts of my soul and question nearly everything. There have been moments when I felt like my entire life would implode, overwhelmed by the fear of no longer being able to carry the weight of 1heart, letting so many down. And I faced the extreme sadness of dreams I’ve held so deeply for years, feeling on the verge of collapse. In particular, not being able to create the beautiful life and community in Costa Rica I’ve dreamt of for Spirit.
And through it all, there have also been moments where I’ve felt great pride. Pride to still be standing. Pride for being the present and loving father I am. And pride in the team and experience we have built at 1heart, which continues to improve, even when I’ve felt I’ve had little to contribute. I am often reminded of a quote from Rav Berg, the leader at the Kabbalah Center where I studied for many years: “Don’t ask for an easier life, ask for better tools.”
In many moments, I’ve understood and been grateful for all the work I’ve done and for this constant call to continue elevating. I can feel my season for learning through deep struggle coming to a close and a new way forward emerging.
As the title suggests, I am on a path back to my heart. This path represents truth, authenticity, and openness. These are the elements that allow me to connect most deeply with others. When not adhered to, they keep me small and create suffering. For me, writing is often the best expression of my heart, which helps me create alignment within myself and through declaration.
Through declaration, I know I will hold myself to what I share genuinely from my heart. I invite others to hold me to it as well. As I strive to lead more effectively, beginning with myself, returning to my heart is my first step. Much has been coming up for me recently on how my journey can continue to support others. I will share more as it evolves.
I am contemplating what it means to live and lead “The Way of the Heart.” This phrase came to me about a year ago. I knew at the time it was something important in my journey and work. I am just now starting to understand what is being called forward. I welcome all your feedback on what this may mean to you and how it can serve others.
So I ask you — what does your heart want you to return to? What truth is knocking gently at your ribcage? And what would it feel like to take one step closer today?
The Path Forward
As I reflect on the lessons that continue to pour through, I feel compelled to create commitments to myself to live The Way of the Heart. I invite you all to hold me accountable to these and to feel free to adopt any that are relevant for you.
I commit to listening deeply to my heart — even (especially) when my mind disagrees
I commit to telling the truth — first to myself, then to others
I commit to honoring my boundaries as sacred acts of self-love
I commit to meeting my shadows with compassion, not shame
I commit to resting when I am tired, asking when I need help and receiving without guilt
I commit to revealing what is real — not just what is impressive
I commit to choosing love over fear — again and again
I commit to walking slowly enough to hear my soul’s guidance
I commit to following joy and my highest excitement as my soul’s compass
I commit to living as an example of what’s possible when we stop betraying ourselves
I commit to continuing to dream and create the life Spirit deserves — to ensure she always has full access to my heart and she and all our kids learn to live The Way of the Heart
I’ll be walking this path — not with answers, but with honesty. I am grateful for you taking the time to listen to my heart; I will never take that for granted. If any part of this speaks to you, I invite you to pause and listen to your own heart today. What step might you take to return home to your truth? We walk this path together, one honest step at a time.
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