On Being Daddy
Fatherhood lessons of love, presence, and joy from my greatest teacher
“Fathers, be good to your daughters. You are the god and the weight of her world.” — John Mayer
I recently put myself out there through my writing for the first time in many years. Through “The Way of the Heart,” I shared how broken my heart has been as I faced becoming my worst fear — a divorced dad. After living in separate rooms from my daughter’s mom for much of her life, I just recently moved out of the shared home with my daughter. I am very new to navigating this experience. As hard as it has been, I have also seen and felt the many gifts that it has brought. I know how these circumstances I’ve so deeply feared have also brought awareness and ways of being that likely would not be ingrained as deeply under other circumstances.
Essentially, the gratitude I feel to be Daddy is so extreme. Facing the moments where I am not present with my daughter Spirit, makes this very clear. And in the moments I am with her, I am so present, thoroughly amused and engaged with whatever we are doing. I am still at a point where I cry each time she leaves after our time together, and the excitement I feel before seeing her is so palpable. I don’t take it lightly that I get to be so excited about anything in my life, especially time with my own daughter.
On this, my third Father’s Day, I felt compelled to share what it has been like being Spirit’s “Daddy” as well as some of the many teachings she has gifted me. Through some recent unexpected circumstances, I also ended up living in my parents’ home for two months, the first time since I left home after college at twenty-one. Living with my father (and mother) while my daughter also stayed part-time with us brought on many additional lessons and realizations that I will attempt to weave in.
My Spirit Guide
“A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.” — Paulo Coelho
Being a daddy is a gift bestowed upon me by my daughter, Spirit. Throughout my life, I have held many significant responsibilities — often caring for and providing for others. I’ve employed hundreds of people at a time, hosted over a thousand on transformational life journeys with 1heart, and always cared for friends and family.
Spirit’s choice of me as her father is the responsibility I hold above all. Even from before her birth and conception, I found myself dreaming and creating worlds that were worthy of her presence. Everything I do in my work to elevate other leaders through community and love is to be the change I wish to see in her and the children who come through. This isn’t an empty platitude — it is something I genuinely feel each and every time I think about my work and my life. She is always the guiding light.
As I spend time with Spirit now, I see the world through her eyes. I see how lit up she gets picking up rocks, jumping in puddles, smelling flowers, exploring nature, and so many seemingly simple things that we have forgotten or become too busy to enjoy. And yet, with Spirit at my side, I enjoy every moment of them. Spirit is my master teacher just in her own being. Before we are programmed otherwise, we are in tune and aligned with our soul and the world around us. Watching Spirit allows me to remember this all for myself and has already given me infinite blessings and teachings.
The Wisdom of Spirit
In less than three years, this little girl has expanded my heart, mind, and soul in ways I would have never known possible. I share some of the most impactful lessons she has taught me here, and know that her classroom is infinite.
1. Presence Is Our Only True Currency
“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence.” — Thích Nhất Hạnh
My initials are BE. Always have been. And until recently, the irony and significance were utterly lost on me. I now go by BE and have tattooed it on my wrist as a constant reminder to just be.
My life was a relentless pursuit of always doing more. I lived and built my companies in New York City, walking faster than anyone on the streets. As I discovered, you can live nearly two decades running towards outcomes without taking even two days to ponder if they are what you actually want.
The reality is that what we want is always in the now, yet we spend our lives trying to live in the future. At work, we plan meetings, attend calls, create decks, and fundraise. Every one of these actions, which form the majority of our days, is about future outcomes. At home, we worry about our finances, our children, or our health. We drive from place to place, plan our next meal or vacation, and go to stores to purchase things we likely don’t need. Literally 95% of our life is not life — it is planning and preparation for life.
We have been fooled into believing that money is the currency that drives our lives. And ironically, we’ve hitched our wagons to a rapidly devaluing paper one. In reality, the only currency that truly matters is each moment of our lives. So why do we trade 95% of this currency for something else?
Spirit is a continual reminder of the absurdity of this. She is happier playing with rocks in the forest than getting a new plastic toy from Target. The latter she tires of far quicker and creates less sustainable and healthy stimulation. Just last month, I was at my parents’ in Florida. Within a thirty-minute drive were probably five really nice splash parks. And while Spirit really enjoyed going to them, she would generally tire of them in thirty minutes or so. I remember one day we went to one, then came home, and it rained that afternoon. We spent well over an hour walking through the neighborhood, jumping in puddles. I had to pick her up and take her inside to get her to come in.
Each moment I spend with Spirit is an embodied lesson in presence. Almost unintentionally, I’ve stopped even checking my phone when I am with her. I found this to be a natural consequence of having limited time with her. Now every moment with her is so sacred to me that I find myself entirely focused on whatever we are doing. This is actual presence, and before these times with Spirit, something that was extremely rare for me to access. My energy when with Spirit feels endless; I never tire.
This is the energy of presence.
As I live through some of the most challenging times of my life, I find so many shifts when I’m with Spirit. It shifts because I am in the moment, and that moment is pretty great. Yes, I have so much to work through and “figure out,” and that is not here; that is there. We choose to live in the there when the here is well… right here. Perhaps nothing will shift your life more drastically than choosing to be here.
Reader Prompt: What moments in your day do you find yourself most present? What pulls you away from these moments, and what would it feel like to protect them more fiercely?
2. “Why Not” Is a Guiding Principle
“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” — Albert Einstein
One of the things Spirit and I love to do is sit on the floor of the kitchen and eat blueberries. I have no idea why, but Spirit decided that we should sit on the floor and eat them together. Many cozier areas of the home are more logical spots.
We spend much of our lives rationalizing or attempting to perfect our many daily actions. And, when you say “Why Not” (or a less child-friendly version), you create experiences far more enjoyable and memorable than the version you would have rationalized and perfected. I am writing now about eating blueberries on the floor because Spirit and I created a far more meaningful connection through living a 'why not' approach.
Attempting to rationalize a two-year-old’s desires completely removes the creativity and joy of whatever is coming through for them. And the same is true for us — we’ve just gotten very good at leading with our rational mind.
Just this week, I was at a restaurant with Spirit, and she saw a hose and wanted to play with the water. She started off innocently as she often does, saying, “I just want to wash my feet.” I, of course, knew where this would go, and my initial thought process went to how wet she would get, having to change her clothes… And, none of that is relevant and quite workable. I turned on the hose, created a sprinkler with my thumb, and she ran and danced under it till she was soaked. I could have chosen for her to stay dry, but why?
In our lives, how many things do we not do because we ask why instead of saying why not? Why have we created a world where we always have to question an impulse or an idea? Why is there someone else in our head telling us what is appropriate in this moment? Whose life are we living this way? What are we denying ourselves as a result?
For me, as I’ve begun looking at life through Spirit’s eyes, it has helped me shift back to the child, tapped into what I actually want and need in the moment. I don’t need to justify it. I don’t think through it a hundred ways — I feel it. In recent years, I have often been described as “serious.” That is always jarring to hear after being a class clown for much of my life, often a perpetrator of semi-innocent mischief. When we are thinking too much and laughing too little, something is off. So, next time you find yourself asking why, try adding a “not” to it and see where it takes you.
Reader Prompt: What’s one thing you’ve been wanting to do but keep talking yourself out of? What would happen if you approached it with “why not” instead of “why”?
3. Life Is a Ceremony
“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.” — Kahlil Gibran
On each 1heart Journey, I typically end a talk after our final ceremony with a request. I aim the request towards the men to “Live like your daughter is watching, because she is.” Imagine how many of the challenges with trust, love, and support would be solved if our daughters all had a man who exemplified secure love for them. This extends far beyond how he is as a dad to how he operates in his life in all aspects. We are all human and go through our own challenges. And, at the end of the day, what are the values that you hold true to? How are you showing consistency and commitment to those values? This is where the true lessons lie.
There is an overwhelming amount of information out there about parenting. I know, I’ve consumed many books, podcasts, and Instagram posts, hoping to learn the greatest tips. And, ultimately, our children follow who we are far more than anything we tell them.
Not too long ago, my daughter had probably the most enormous tantrum she has had with me. I feel fortunate, as her tantrums have been relatively few and far between and typically quite easy to settle. In this particular instance, she had been going for 5 to 10 minutes. I was holding her tight and soothing her, and she just had to let go. I started trying to talk to her and explain some things about the situation to her. She wasn’t having it. At one point, I broke down and started crying over the situation and my daughter’s feelings. As soon as I did, she immediately stopped her tantrum and started soothing me, “Don’t cry, Daddy, it’s okay.” While I don’t suggest intentionally putting our feelings onto our child, when it came out naturally, she felt my genuine care and presence, and came fully back in an instant.
From an early age, our family has said prayers over all our meals and given hugs to the trees in our home. Naturally, Spirit began to love all these things too. Nothing is cuter than her prayer over the food and all the random stuffed animals or people she chooses to bless. And she is well in the hundreds for the number of trees she has hugged. Had we told her to do these things, she would have had a far different relationship with them. This is the ritual of embodiment. Children absorb what we live, not what we say.
While we live much of our lives in unconscious patterns, is that what we choose for our kids? When we make the unconscious conscious and, even more importantly, intentional, then we begin to live our lives as a ceremony. We begin to honor ourselves and the choices we are making. We hold the people and world around us in greater reverence. We become the positive model for the life we want our children to have.
Reader Prompt: As you assess your day and how you live your life, what rituals (or unconscious habits) are you thrilled to be modeling for your child, and which, when you bring them fully conscious, are not ones you wish them to adopt?
4. Our Way Is Not THE Way
“If you think you’re enlightened, spend a week with your family.” — Ram Dass
Spending a couple of months living at home with my parents also surfaced many valuable insights and teachings. One that came up repeatedly was how personally we often take feedback, or even just the desire to do things differently. As we learn, grow, and want something different for our child, our parents or those around us often take offense. They feel attacked by our rejection of what they offered to us.
This, of course, is not the case. Everything they offered shaped us; it allowed us to find growth for ourselves and our children. All of them are teachings. What I struggled with more than anything is the stubbornness of change and our “way.” This comes up a lot with my Dad, as I am often amazed by the little things (like drinking water) that would significantly improve his health and day-to-day happiness, that he is unwilling to do. I frequently hear this story, especially about others’ aging fathers.
I’ve told Spirit and will continue to tell her not to let me be this way. By that, I essentially mean stuck in any particular way. Spirit has permission to hit me over the head with a stick if needed.
Life is an evolution; we are meant to grow and evolve. Our knowledge, conditions, and situations change over time. Much of what we are likely holding onto from many decades past has almost for sure been proven otherwise, or you have personally outgrown it, or the situation where it served you. If you still believe what you did decades ago or even years ago, allow yourself to question it.
Listen to your kids — they are born into new conditions, understand things from fresh perspectives, and have much to offer us. The idea that the elders hold all the keys is not accurate. And the wisest elders know how to integrate knowledge between generations.
If we all see our children as the wisdom keepers and truth tellers they are, we will be far better off as a society. The assumption that age equals authority over truth is precisely what keeps us from evolving. We are at a time when structures are crumbling, and this trend is likely to continue. More than ever, we get to look to our children for the way.
Reader Prompt: Where in your life are you holding onto ways of being or doing that no longer serve you? What wisdom might the youngest people in your life have to offer if you truly listened?
5. Love Has No Conditions
“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” — Maya Angelou
When Spirit looks me in the eyes and says, “I love you, Daddy,” there is no more beautiful sound on this earth. It's beyond cute, especially in her voice and tiny little human body. And what makes it hit so deep is the pureness and truth to it. Yes, I do a lot for her, and when she speaks these words, it's clear she's not asking for anything. She doesn’t have an agenda. She feels the need to express the love in her heart, and she does so with a power that can only come from unconditional love.
In our relationships with others, we have been conditioned to seek love. Nearly all of us are running patterns from childhood related to how and why we believe we deserve and receive love.
Somewhere in our programming, we learned that there were certain things we needed to do, say, or be to feel love. Love became a transaction, which ultimately isn’t love at all.
I remember one of the earliest times when I was alone with Spirit. Her mother was away on a business trip, and it was the first night. I almost never get sick, and yet I somehow got what I later determined was hand, foot, and mouth disease. I was feeling awful and holding it together to care for my daughter. I turned on a movie, which was perhaps the first time I turned on the TV with her as I very rarely do so. Despite my care for her, she saw my struggle. As we cuddled watching the movie, she turned to me and started rubbing my cheek with the back of her hand. I remember looking into her eyes and seeing the pure love and care she had for me.
This love hits so differently.
Reader Prompt: When do you feel most loved — is it when you’re doing something “right” or simply when you’re being yourself? How might you offer this same unconditional presence to others in your life?
The Return to Celebration
“We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? … Your playing small does not serve the world.” — Marianne Williamson
I am not big on celebrating my birthday. I’ve never enjoyed putting all the attention on me and asking others to celebrate me. And today, perhaps for the first time, I feel really compelled to celebrate myself. It has taken a few years to take effect, and I am now at a point where I realize that my role as a father is the role I am meant to fill. And, I celebrate myself for all the ways I’ve shown up as Daddy through it all.
Through the pain of divorce, the fear of being away from my daughter, and the uncertainty of what comes next, Spirit has been my anchor to what matters most. She has taught me that the present moment is where love lives, that curiosity trumps certainty, that rituals create meaning, that growth requires letting go, and that love—real love-asks for nothing in return.
As I navigate this new chapter of being Daddy in a different way than I had imagined, I find myself grateful for the gifts hidden within the challenges. The intensity of missing her has deepened my appreciation for every moment we share. The fear of not being enough has pushed me to become more present, more authentic, more willing to be vulnerable.
The Path Forward
“Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” — C.S. Lewis
On this Father’s Day 2025, I reflect on these lessons from my greatest teacher. I feel compelled to create commitments to myself, not just as a father, but as a human being learning to live with the wisdom of a child.
I commit to remembering that presence is the greatest present — choosing the messy magic of now over the polished plans of later
I commit to saying “why not” more than “why” — leading with curiosity and play instead of caution and control
I commit to living as ceremony — making conscious choices that honor the example I want to set
I commit to staying open to learning — especially from those younger and wiser than the years may suggest
I commit to loving without conditions — offering the pure, agenda-free love that Spirit has shown me
I commit to celebrating the gift of being Daddy — even when it looks different than I imagined
The children are watching, learning, and teaching. The question is: are we present enough to receive their gifts?
Every day with Spirit is a reminder that we don’t need to have it all figured out; we need to show up with our whole hearts.
Spirit chose me to be her daddy, and in doing so, she gave me the greatest gift of my life — not just her love, but a masterclass in how to be human.
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